Breaking Free from Stuck Points: How to Move Forward When Thoughts Keep Holding You Back
Ever find yourself replaying the same old, unhelpful thoughts on repeat? Like a song stuck in your head, but instead of catchy lyrics, it’s just self-doubt, fear, or frustration on a loop? Welcome to the world of stuck points, those rigid thoughts that keep us trapped in unhelpful emotional and behavioral patterns. The good news? You don’t have to stay stuck. With a little curiosity, self-compassion, and some intentional mindset shifts, you can break free and start living in alignment with your values.
The Difference Between Core Beliefs and Stuck Points
Understanding the difference between core beliefs and stuck points can help us navigate our inner world with more clarity and self-compassion.
Core beliefs are the deeply held ideas we develop about ourselves, others, and the world throughout our lives. These beliefs form gradually, influenced by our upbringing, relationships, culture, and everyday experiences. They serve as an internal framework that shapes how we interpret events and respond to challenges.
Stuck points, on the other hand, are more rigid and extreme beliefs that often arise after traumatic or distressing experiences. Unlike core beliefs, which evolve over time, stuck points tend to be fixed, absolute, and resistant to change. They usually develop when a painful event challenges or reinforces an existing belief in a way that keeps us feeling trapped in distressing thought patterns.
For example, a core belief like “People can be trustworthy” might shift into a stuck point like “I can never trust anyone again” after experiencing betrayal or trauma.
By recognizing that stuck points are not fundamental truths but rather a response to pain, we can begin the process of loosening their grip and returning to more balanced, flexible beliefs.
What Are Stuck Points?
Stuck points are conflicting beliefs or strong negative thoughts that hold us back. The term "stuck points" comes from Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) for trauma, where it describes rigid or extreme beliefs that develop after difficult or traumatic experiences. These thoughts shake up our previous understanding of ourselves, others, and the world. Sometimes, they form when an event seems to “confirm” a preexisting negative belief, reinforcing a story we’ve already been telling ourselves.
These thoughts tend to be absolute, filled with words like always, never, can’t, and should. They often follow an “If…, then…” pattern, like:
If I trust people, then I’ll just get hurt.
If I let go of control, then everything will fall apart.
If I make a mistake, then I’ll be a failure.
Sound familiar? If so, don’t worry, you’re not alone, and more importantly, you’re not stuck forever.
Common Stuck Point Themes
Stuck points tend to cluster around five key themes:
Safety – The belief that the world is dangerous, and you cannot protect yourself or others. (“Nowhere is safe.”)
Trust – Doubting your own judgment or the reliability of others. (“I can’t trust anyone, not even myself.”)
Power & Control – Struggles with control in relationships or emotions. (“If I don’t control everything, it will all fall apart.”)
Esteem – Negative beliefs about self-worth. (“I’m not good enough.”)
Intimacy – Fear of emotional closeness or being alone. (“If I open up, I’ll get hurt.”)
How to Challenge Stuck Points
So, how do we start rewriting these scripts? It begins with curiosity and self-compassion, because if you're feeling stuck, there’s a reason. These thoughts developed for a purpose, often as a way to protect you from pain or uncertainty. Instead of judging ourselves for them, we can gently explore where they come from and how they’re serving us, then decide if we want to carry them forward or reshape them into something more supportive.
Moving Forward: Creating New Thought Patterns
Once we start loosening the grip of stuck points, the next step is reinforcing new, more balanced beliefs. Here’s how:
Catch Yourself in the Act – Notice when a stuck point shows up and name it. (“Oh hey, there’s that ‘I’m not good enough’ story again.”)
Gather New Evidence – Seek out real-life proof that contradicts your old belief. (“Actually, I’ve handled tough situations before.”)
Test New Perspectives – Try small actions that challenge your stuck point. (If I believe ‘I can’t trust anyone,’ what happens if I take a tiny step toward connection?)
Practice Self-Compassion – Be kind to yourself during this process. Changing thought patterns takes time, and that’s okay.
We can all develop stuck points. These thoughts don’t appear out of nowhere; they are often shaped by difficult or traumatic experiences that leave a deep imprint on our beliefs about ourselves and the world. With awareness and curiosity, you can begin to recognize where these beliefs come from, honor the experiences that shaped them, and take small, compassionate steps toward shifting unhelpful narratives. This process isn’t about erasing the past, but about acknowledging its impact while finding ways to move forward in a way that fosters healing, growth, and alignment with what truly matters to you.
If you’d like support in working through stuck points, therapy can be a safe place to explore these patterns and create more empowering perspectives.