Understanding Core Beliefs: How They Shape Our Lives and How Therapy Can Help

Our thoughts have power. The way we see ourselves, others, and the world is shaped by deeply held beliefs that develop over time, often without us even realizing it. These core beliefs act like a backstage crew in a play, quietly setting the scene for how we think, feel, and behave. Some of them deserve a standing ovation, while others keep sending us into the same frustrating plot twists. The good news? With a little curiosity, self-compassion, and maybe even some humor, we can rewrite our internal script in ways that support the life we want to live.

What Are Core Beliefs?

Core beliefs are the fundamental ideas we hold about ourselves, others, and the world. They often take root in childhood, shaped by our early experiences, family dynamics, culture, and social environment. Over time, they become deeply ingrained, and we tend to accept them as absolute truths, whether they are helpful or not.

Think of them like an operating system running quietly in the background. Two people can experience the same situation but interpret it in completely different ways based on their core beliefs. For example, one person receiving constructive feedback at work may think, “Cool, a chance to grow!” while another may think, “Oh no, I’m a failure”, all because of the belief system they’ve developed over time.

Common Core Belief Themes

Certain themes often pop up when it comes to core beliefs, especially the sticky, unhelpful ones. Many of these have been identified in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as common patterns that can influence well-being. Here are some of the usual suspects:

Not Good Enough: The sneaky belief that you’re unworthy, unlovable, or inherently flawed.

No One Cares: Feeling like people are distant, unreliable, or just not that interested in your well-being.

Perfectionism: The exhausting idea that anything less than perfect is a disaster.

Rejection & Abandonment: The expectation that relationships will inevitably fail or people will leave.

Can’t Do It: That nagging thought that you’re just not capable, strong, or independent enough.

People Pleasing: Feeling like you have to make others happy at the expense of yourself.

Superiority: The flip side—believing you’re better than others and deserve special treatment.

Life Sucks: Viewing the world as unfair, untrustworthy, or just a big mess.

Don’t Trust: Assuming that others will eventually betray or disappoint you.

Not Safe: Seeing the world as full of danger and unpredictability.

Need for Approval: That endless craving for external validation and praise.

Tough Punishment: The belief that mistakes deserve harsh consequences—whether it’s your own missteps or someone else’s.

These beliefs don’t just exist in our minds—they shape how we interact with the world. If someone believes “I can’t trust others,” they may keep people at arm’s length, reinforcing their sense of isolation. Meanwhile, if someone believes “I must be perfect,” they might exhaust themselves trying to meet impossible standards.

How Therapy Helps Update Core Beliefs

Therapy provides a safe space to explore and reshape limiting core beliefs. Rather than simply challenging negative beliefs, the goal is to develop a more balanced and flexible perspective, kind of like updating your mental software.

For example:

Instead of “I am unworthy,” a new belief might be “I am capable and deserving of love.”

Instead of “The world is unsafe,” a more balanced belief could be “The world holds both risks and safety.”

Instead of “I can’t trust anyone,” the focus might shift to “I can find people who earn my trust.”

Therapists use various techniques, like cognitive restructuring, mindfulness, and values-based actions, to help individuals gather real-world evidence for these new, more adaptive beliefs. This isn’t about just slapping a motivational quote on a bad day, but rather building a belief system that aligns with reality, personal values, and a greater sense of self-compassion.

Our core beliefs shape our experiences, but they don’t have to be permanent. Through awareness, curiosity, and a little humor, it’s possible to rewrite outdated narratives and create a perspective that supports our well-being.

If you’re curious about your own core beliefs and how they might be shaping your life, therapy can be a safe space to explore them.